Married and in love with another man or woman

Being married and yet in love with another man or woman. It happens more often than you think. It can become a problem for your current relationship but sometimes it can also put things in place. Being in love is a feeling that you cannot stop: it happens to you. In most cases, falling in love comes before deeper love. Almost every new relationship starts with falling in love. If you have been married for a long time, you can be quite shocked when you suddenly fall in love with another man.

In love, engaged, married

The ideal picture for almost everyone: falling in love, getting engaged and then getting married. Getting married is the icing on the cake when it comes to happiness in a relationship. By getting married you show each other that you want to go for each other, never let go of each other and want to be there for each other. In good and bad times. People who are in love generally feel something different than people who have been married for a long time. Yet married couples can still feel a real love for each other. This often blossoms in periods. Loving is a deeper feeling that goes beyond falling in love. It is difficult to say where exactly the line between falling in love and loving lies, but you often sense this very well.

Falling in love doesn’t last forever

Falling in love can be very intense. Feelings come up that you may not recognize at all. Falling in love does not last forever and slowly transitions into deeper love. When you are together for a long time, in most cases there is love, and sometimes a crush can resurface. Yet this infatuation will almost never be the same as in the early days of your relationship. Being in love with your partner with whom you have been together or married for a long time is different from falling in love again.

In love with someone else

You don’t ask for it and yet it happens to you: you fall in love with someone else. This could be someone from work or school, a friend or acquaintance or someone you met somewhere else. Sometimes you can fall deeply in love with someone you met online but have never actually met. Falling in love works like an addiction: you can no longer live without that person, you want to hear, see or feel something from him or her every moment. You regularly check your phone or email for new messages or drive past his or her home or work more often than by chance. You may also have difficulty falling asleep, have little or no appetite and appear confused. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, but when you are in love with someone other than your own partner, there is also fear, insecurity or confusion involved. Because why did you fall in love with someone else? And more importantly: what are you going to do with this crush?


You often fall in love with someone else because things no longer click in your own relationship. This can be in different areas, both physically and mentally. This is usually preceded by a period of arguments, stress, uncertainty, anger or sadness. You may feel that your partner is no longer for you, does not listen to you, does not understand you or that you are no longer on the same page. You may also miss a certain feeling of tension within your relationship. In addition, the feeling for your partner may be so reduced that you are automatically open to a new love or to falling in love.

How do you deal with it?

It is not always easy to deal with falling in love when it does not concern your own partner. First of all, you have to ask yourself what you want. Not what your partner wants or what the person you are in love with wants, but what YOU want. After all, it’s all about you, you fell in love. You can’t do anything with the crush: you let it slowly bleed to death. You will have to be sure of yourself for this, especially when the crush is very intense. You can also enjoy being in love. There is a good chance that you will seek more and more contact with the other person. How far this contact ultimately goes is up to you. Please note that this may have consequences for your current relationship. Finally, you can also choose to tell your partner and decide to end the relationship. After this you can continue with your crush on the other person. However, it does not guarantee that your crush will eventually turn into a new relationship or into love.

People who are in love see everything through rose-colored glasses and are unable to make critical judgments. Bad qualities of the other are often not seen or pushed to the background. Therefore, remember that every crush eventually disappears. What do you do, and especially what do you want, after that first crush? When the butterflies and longing give way to other feelings? Talk about this with your partner, the person you are in love with, a family member, friend, acquaintance or other confidant. Talking about it can help you get your thoughts straight.

Talking to your partner is sometimes difficult: you will hurt your partner in any case if you tell them that you are in love with someone else. Yet honesty often lasts the longest. A good relationship will be able to withstand a (temporary) crush. If you are afraid of losing your partner, you should ask yourself whether it is wise to talk about your crush. As long as you do nothing else with the crush and let it bleed to death, it is not necessarily a mistake. After all, you can’t hold back feelings. Falling in love can come on just as suddenly as sadness, anger or fear.