Victim of aggression and humiliation in a relationship

Men and women with an aggression problem. A short fuse in the vernacular. You can also call it negativity, a man or woman who explodes at the slightest thing. They get hysterical over almost nothing. It is terrible to have to spend a long time in the presence of dominant people.

They act nice but in the meantime they take advantage of you

That unwanted behavior comes from dominant people who knowingly want to make things difficult for you. Sometimes people pretend to be nice, but in the meantime they take advantage of you. They are outright humiliating you and making you their personal slave by subtly and unknowingly manipulating you. You kept telling yourself that things were all right or would turn out all right, but that was a disastrous fallacy.

You are being manipulated

You discover that you are being manipulated again and again and, if possible, deliberately disadvantaged, without you really realizing it. Once you realize it and have plucked up the courage to finally say something, nothing will change at all. The battle has only just begun and you start with a huge disadvantage. You are at a loss, because you have just swallowed it all these years and now you are nowhere.

You are weak

You are only weaker because you have become accustomed to that submissive, inferior, powerless position. Try to get rid of that in a month. Does’nt work! It took him or her years to get and keep you in that corner. And you think that people can’t think of something so terrible with premeditation, let alone do it. Wrong!

You are a slave

The situation slowly begins to unfold before you and you realize that you are a prisoner and that you yourself have allowed it to happen in all your naivety and ignorance. Now that you finally realize it, you actually want to get out. Boom, you’re suddenly put back in that corner with a heavy hand. The mask of kindness has suddenly been taken off, much to your surprise and horror. This can’t be true, can it?

They are jealous

Only now do you really know who you are dealing with: a dominant wretch (m/f), who wants to possess you, is jealous, and wants to make your life miserable on purpose. And no more beating around the bush. That such a thing exists! And then you, of all people, have to deal with it.

Indicate your limit

That’s because you never learned to indicate your limits. And they always go over it. You have also radiated it and that is why the other person has unconsciously clicked on your submissive, docile character that you have developed in this life, or who knows, from previous lives.

Picking up shattered self-esteem

Now you have to start picking up your shattered self-esteem one shard by shard and putting yourself back together like a porcelain train while the sledgehammer continues to swing around you left and right. Boom, hit again. You are no match for such violence. The brutality too, and the obviousness. How do you even think about treating people like this? Is there a quick way to escape this misery and get your self-esteem functioning effectively again, so you can get yourself back on track to ride out of the cage?

Go away. It’s allowed!

First of all, get out. It’s allowed! It’s your life and this is exactly the life lesson you (and sooner or later everyone) have to learn. Don’t stay any longer. Let contact be as minimal as possible. You can also read a booklet: Dealing with difficult people or something along those lines or similar information. This way you can make yourself more resilient for the future. Think of the other victims such as children who are also abused by this person.

Fight and flight

The choice to leave is a very real option. In nature it is also fight or flight. You can fight and that is also a good option of course. But if you are still weaker (and you must first accept that before you can become stronger), then you will lose that battle, because you have been manipulated into the victim role by a perpetrator. And as a victim you also react like a beaten dog, but you brought misery on yourself through years of ingrained patterns, because you didn’t know any better.

Finally

Get yourself together. Look at what your best options are now and don’t feel obligated to live with this yoke on your shoulders any longer. Everyone can start again every second. Dealing with misery is tough, but isn’t dealing with happiness tougher? Choose yourself. Because loving yourself has nothing to do with selfishness. The aggressive behavior of the other person now says more about that other person than about you. Never return evil for evil.